The Plight of Apartment-Living
Posted by Jess is Jess , Friday, February 12, 2010 Friday, February 12, 2010
I've lived in my litte house since August 2009.
(By "little house" I mean my apartment with all of it's leaks and creaks and my noisy refrigerator.)
Since coming back from Cali after my lovely Christmas vacation a new noise has invaded the sanctity of my little nest.
This noise is what classy people refer to as "the sex."
(By "classy people" I mean me.)
Whether it's the squeaks of bed springs from the apartment above or even worse, MY CHILEAN NEIGHBOR'S STUPID LOUD GIRLFRIEND (!!!!) it's getting on my nerves.
Therefore, you should all know that these people are on my list.
That's right.
MY LIST.
This is not a good place to be (duh) and I suggest that they all work to be removed from said list.
Here is the way things work, folks:
The spectrum runs from MY LIST to the RECEIPT OF GOLD STAR STICKERS.
To give a good example of how one might receive gold star stickers I present to you a scene:
(I accidentally wrote first "gold star sticks" which might actually be funnier.)
________________________________________________________________________
Scene: On the verge of leaving Patrick Sullivan's after seeing the most awesome nameless band.
Strong Daniel: Do you guys want me to go get the car and bring it around. It's pretty cold.
Mary & Meg Jones Ace Reporter: Oh, yeah . . . that's so nice . . . you don't have to . . . etc.
Me: Yeah, it's hecka cold.
Less than 10 minutes later
Me: Seriously, Daniel - I would give you 20,000 gold star stickers right now if I had them.
Strong Daniel: I thought you were going to say dollars.
Me: Yeah, right. Stickers are better.
_______________________________________________________________________
So to recap:
Who is on my list?
Noisy people who do "the sex"
Who gets gold star stickers?
(Hypothetically because I don't actually have any)
Strong Daniel, Mary, and
Meg Jones Ace Report
Woo!