"Instead of reining in your thoughts, follow them as they meander through your imagination. But don't judge yourself harshly if, at the end of the day, you don't have anything tangible to show for your lovely fantasies."
The above quote is from my horoscope today.
That's right - my horoscope is telling me not only to allow my imagination to run wild but to do so proudly.
Ha!
Universe,
I'm glad that we are on the same page today.
Peace,
J
Here is the low-down on a long-running fantasy
(Nothing kinky, get your mind out of the gutter. Sheesh!)
I've been working on a couple of different children's books for the last few years. I'm sure that eventually I will try to get them published but for now they knock around in my imagination with all the other stuff. So in honor of my imagination and encouraging horoscope I thought that it might be nice to share a small selection from my favorite today. The illustrations that this will eventually have are an essential part of the project but for today you'll have to use your imagination.
Please accept as my humble gift a short except from:
The Missed Adventures of Jameson Green.
(This has a copywrite, you ba#$^*ds so don't try anything sneaky)
Jameson Green was not an ordinary 1st grader. Oh, sure she was six years old, had ordinary brown hair, ordinary green eyes, and lived an ordinary little life. But underneath it all Jameson knew she was anything but ordinary. For one thing, Jameson’s best friend happened to be a little black cat named Arturius. Arturius, a descendent of the royal cats of the pharaohs of Egypt, was not an ordinary house cat. The thing that Jameson and Arturius liked to do most in the world was to go on adventures! There was only one problem. No one ever believed that their adventures were real.
And so one sunny afternoon when Jameson was telling her mother about the pirate ship that she and Arturius had sailed on last Wednesday, all her mother said was, “Oh, Jameson! If only you could put that creativity to good use and stop making up these stories!”
“But Mom!” cried Jameson. “Really, dear,” said Mrs. Green, “there was no pirate ship. You were out in the garden with Arturius the entire time!”
“Mom! Arturius and I almost had to walk the plank! But he saved us in the nick of time by confusing the pirates with a riddle,” explained Jameson.
“Jameson, Jameson, Jameson. Arturius can’t speak! He is just a cat.”
“But Mama, he is the descendents of the royal cats of the pharaohs of Egypt!”
“Sweetheart,” interrupted Mrs. Green, “Arturius is an ordinary house cat that Daddy brought home from the SPCA.”
“Hmmph,” said Jameson.
“Hmmph,” said Mrs. Green.
“Hmmph,” said Arturius, though it came out sounding more like a sneeze.
Mrs. Green took the laundry into the house, and Jameson and Arturius climbed on to the porch swing to think. “Why doesn’t anyone ever believe us!” wailed Jameson. Arturius sat besides her, twitching his tail back and forth as he often did when he was in deep thought. “I know!” cried Jameson as she leapt from the porch swing. “If we brought back proof from our adventures, everyone would have to believe us. Come on Arturius, we’re off!”
(My familiar and inspiration)
Yesterday my delightful friend, Bevin (who I like to call Blevin due to an unfortunate typo on a call sheet) posted a status update on her facebook that read:
"Perpetual hope is exhausting! But, singing helps."
Oh, man - I could not agree more!
It is really rough sometimes keeping up a good front, stiff upper lip, smile on your face, blah blah blah.
The delightful Blevin is correct, though - singing does help.
Listening to music in general is a real mood booster.
You know how I feel about Pandora Psychic Radio (I'll share my secret with you - type in "Billy Joel" and you will get the single greatest collection of soft rock from the '70's, '80's, and early '90's there might also be some stuff from the '60's as it plays the Beatles and Sir Elton pretty often) and pretty much if I'm not in class or talking to actual human people I have my ipod on giving my day an awesome soundtrack.
I have a bad habit (yes, I know I have more than just one).
But this habit is a difficult one.
It's a compulsion.
There have been many times in my life, and I'm sure there will be more in the future, where I have been unable to stop myself from saying ...
That's what you get!
eeehuuuuuwhhhhhhheiiiiiiheeeeeeeeeee ... I'm so sorry ...
Please accept this scene as my best example and vague apology.
Scene: Sitting in Enid's living room with Roster when we see a giant, nasty spider on the ceiling.
Me: Ohmigosh. Look at the spider.
Roster: Where?
Me: (pointing) There! Look up!
Roster: (sighing) I'll get it
Roster proceeds to get some paper towel from the kitchen and climb on a chair.
Me: Wait! Put the paper towel on the end of a broom stick or yard stick and crush it that way.
Roster: No. This is fine.
Me: But ...
Roster ignores me and tries to get the spider. Naturally this does not work and it falls on him and he stumbles off the chair, brushing himself off.
Roster: Ugh ... Oh ... Gross!
Me: Ohmigoshthatswhatyouget!
Roster: (looking at me both incredulously and with a bit of murder in his eyes) Seriously?
Me: Uhh ... Sorry? ... Butifyouhadjustlistenedtome ...
Roster (cutting in) Seriously!
Me: ... itwouldn'thavehappened... I'm just saying ...
I'd like to point out that I have no idea what happened to that spider.
My people, I have some questions:
1. When did Verizon buy the Big Red theme song and why is that one of the catchiest jingles of all time?
2. Do people still use those rubber bracelets for their causes? Is that fad over?
3. I'm afraid that the entire "Red Ribbon for Women's Heart Health" thing is some sort of subversive plot to overthrow the Red AIDS Ribbon folks. What do you think?
4. Would Justin Bieber be as popular as he is if Michael Jackson hadn't died last year? I feel like with all the Jackson reminiscing that went on we, as a pop icon loving people, remembered how cute and great he was before he got all white and scary and now love Justin Bieber because of this. I'm not ashamed to admit it, I love that Justin Bieber, he reminds me of a kinder, less terrifying MJ. I want to put him in my pocket and pull him out from time to time so that he can sing to me.
I have a quest. (Okay, I have many quests)
It's an important quest.
One that is more important than the other quests.
I have a quest for world domination.
Not in any sort of aggressive way.
I've explained this before - I really only want what is best for you. Don't get your panties in a knot. I have no plans to steam across Europe into Russia.
(
Mostly because I learn from other people's mistakes and trust me, third time would not be the charm with that escapade)
I also realize that this is all a product of my over active imagination.
(
ahem, delusions)
But here is the thing that I have recently realized about my thought processes - they make my life interesting. It really is a rare day when I am genuinely bored. And other than my own slow separation from reality (
whateves, reality - you are overrated) nothing bad comes from it.
"No harm, no foul," I always say.
Much like Don Quixote, I spend time tilting at windmills. And I haven't the slightest problem with that.
There are many things in this world that I want to fix and I can only do so much. Sometimes I feel frustrated by the amount of problems that are out there and by the stupidity or callousness that causes people to be blind to them.
Sometimes I need a break from these heavy issues and need to get riled up over inconsequential things. I'm lucky that my active imagination gives me the freedom to do this.
Today I say: "So what if my windmills are things like a stupid college newspaper, or the Olympics for interrupting my regularly scheduled programing, or winter - you know for the static and the snow and stuff."
There are much worse things that one could be tilting at.
(Don Quixote Dementor from La Rambla)
This is how I feel about the people I love. Especially the people who deserve Gold Star Stickers.
This is how I feel about people on MY LIST.
This is how I feel 50% of the time.
This is how I feel the other 50%
This is how I feel about people who smell bad.
(Yes I do think I'm Scarlett O'Hara - is that a problem for you?)
This is how I feel about people who don't listen to me.
This is how I feel about people who do!
This is how I feel inside.
But sometimes it's more like this.
The times when inspiration hits I lift my soul to the sky.
Sometimes I have to fight for people's rights and this is how I feel.
There are times when I just have to sing and dance - there's simply nothing else to do.
My mama used to say that I was the queen of this place.
(The Queen of "da-nile" get it?)
She's wrong - it's really here.
But all of this adds up to me and there is no one else I'd rather be.
I have felt mentally, physically, and spiritually fractured this week.
I hid in my bed and wallowed.
But while this week was pretty rough I refuse to let it break me.
Now I’m done.
I turned a corner today (figuratively – literally I turn many corners every day).
I feel recharged and rejuvenated.
I did not reach this place of peace and joy all by myself, however - there are some very important things that provided the necessary boost to my spirits.
* Azalea Pink nail polish
* My Pink Pashmina recovered
* A big glass of ice cold orange juice
* Pandora Psychic Radio
* 2 beautiful blue sky days in a row
* The most amazing circle of friends and family
* Inspiring mentors
* Kind and generous people
* My beloved talismans of positive energy
What more do I need with the sun shining on my face and a song in my heart?
Today has been the most challenging day I’ve faced in a while. And it is on a day like today that I have no other recourse that to turn once again to my guy, Bobby, for comfort and guidance.
(
Also I can't find my Ativan so Bobby is the best thing I've got going for me tonight)
And so I will now work out my feelings through a scene. The following quotes from Bobby are all real though taken out of context (obviously).
Scene: The Starbucks on Kingston Pike. I am sipping an earl grey tea and Bobby is drinking coffee – black, no cream or sugar.
Me: It’s been a really rough day, Bobby. Very challenging. I am a supremely proud member of Amnesty International and we are working hard to promote human rights and civil liberties not just internationally but in our own communities. Yet the good name of our organization and our chapter was dragged through the mud today in the campus newspaper by an opinion ed piece about how Amensty International is basically the devil and that our chapter here on campus (
of which I am VP) is pro-terrorist, pro-criminal, anti-children and here's the best one . . . are you ready???
ANTI-AMERICAN
This is in response to an event we are planning for this semester that the Issues Committee (
of which the testicle who wrote the article is a member of) agreed to co-host and fully fund on Monday. My friend Mary (
who is our chapter's Prez) and I went and spoke to the committee on Monday afternoon basically to sell our event and answering any questions that they had in order to gain their support.
Here is our blurb about the event: "Our goal is to draw on the knowledge of these esteemed experts to fully understand the various ethical dilemmas our country’s legal system now faces, and to create a forum of open discourse where we can discuss constructive solutions together."
Our panelists are a Public Defender, and Knox County Criminal Court Judge, a professor at the UT Law School who is a former TN State Supreme Court Justice, and a rep from Amnesty International who is an expert on the death penalty.
So the testicle (
as he shall be called from henceforth) basically said that our event is a plot to lure in unsuspecting students in order to drown them in a biased political rant.
So I said, "Well, I disagree with you completely, obviously." (
at which point everyone on the committee laughed goodnaturedly) and went on to restate everything we had just stated for them. But really, they gave us the funding and support so we thought it didn't matter . . . until today.
(
I refuse to quote his remarks but here is the link if you care to read them http://dailybeacon.utk.edu/showarticle.php?articleid=56348)
I do not doubt for a single instant that his response and attack was directed not just at our chapter but at Mary and myself specifically.
I cannot begin to express how hard this day has been dealing with this.
Bobby: All of us might wish at times that we lived in a more tranquil world, but we don't. And if our times are difficult and perplexing, so are they challenging and filled with opportunity.
Me: I know. I know that you are right and we are going to make the best damn lemonade anyone has ever tasted out of this guy’s attack. We are now in the midst of an intense campaign against the testicle and the newspaper that allowed his filth to be printed. I’m talking serious action. We've been in close contact with the director of Amnesty's Southern Regional Office and he is working with their media department to make an official statement, etc. The good thing from all of this is that we are going to be able to spin it in our favor in a major way and get tons of notice on campus and in the Knoxville area in general for our causes and for this event especially.
Bobby: (
nodding) It is not enough to understand, or to see clearly. The future will be shaped in the arena of human activity, by those willing to commit their minds and their bodies to the task.
Me: So true, and that is what we are trying to do. We all genuinely want to make the world a better place. We care about improving lives and protecting the rights of all people. It’s just so hard to keep your convictions when faced with such filth. And its especially hard for me when someone like the testicle is standing there waving a giant sign claiming “I represent true Catholics. I represent true Americans.”
I am fiercely patriotic – I deeply value the principles set down by the Founding Fathers and feel that it is my duty as an American citizen to uphold and protect these values in my own country and to help protect them for all of mankind. In addition to this, it is my faith in God and the example set for me by the Catholic Church that compels me to be an activist, it’s these tenents of social justice (
if you are interested in the specifics - http://www.osjspm.org/major_themes.aspx) that have guided me.
Bobby: What is objectionable, what is dangerous about extremists, is not that they are extreme, but that they are intolerant. The evil is not what they say about their cause, but what they say about their opponents.
Me: Yes, this man is an extremist and unfortunately, there are many more like him in this world. He uses the American flag and the cross as façades for his hate and does so while pointing fingers and calling names. I cannot imagine what my bff Obama feels when people call him the kinds of names we've seen in the media.
I’ve been kind of surprised by myself today – by how much my feelings are hurt by this guy. I keep trying to remind myself that not only are his opinions unfounded but that they are a good test of the resilience and strength of my own character and resolve. This will not be the last time I will be faced with this type of behavior because I will not stop speaking my mind and fighting for equality and freedom. And I find comfort in the words of St. Joan of Arc who faced unthinkable horrors and still said, “I am not afraid. I was born to do this.”
I hope and pray that I will never face the horrors that St. Joan faced but I am not naïve enough to believe that this will be an easy fight or some sort of part-time philanthropy. I intend to spend my life doing what I can to protect the world.
________________________________________________________________________
My Bobby and Dr. King and so many others died because they fought for equality and justice and it is because of the stones they paved that I can continue to press onward on our journey. I will continue to fight the good fight and do my part.
No matter what people might say I know in my heart that being a liberal activist, a patriotic American, and faith-filled Catholic are not ideas that are mutually exclusive.
They can’t be.
They are me.
I’ve shared the a poem by E.E. Cummings with you before and it is absolutely the way that I try to live my life –
“i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)”
I mean that, with every fiber of my being.
I’m not always successful.
I’m not often successful - but I am trying.
Here are a couple more quotes from Bobby that I couldn’t really fit into my little play that I find particularly inspiring.
"Ultimately, America's answer to the intolerant man is diversity, the very diversity which our heritage of religious freedom has inspired."
"There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why... I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?"
"Progress is a nice word. But change is its motivator. And change has its enemies."
"Let us dedicate ourselves to what the Greeks wrote so many years ago: to tame the savageness of man and make gentle the life of this world."
"Few will have the greatness to bend history itself; but each of us can work to change a small portion of events, and in the total; of all those acts will be written the history of this generation."
Thanks for listening.
I believe in signs.
I believe in symbols.
I believe in premonitions.
I believe that sometimes the world has to hit you over the head with a 2x4 to get you to notice what it's trying to tell you.
In light of that.
Dear Universe,
I'm with you now.
I'm listening and I promise to be patient.
I promise to trust in things and people that I might not want to. It's so hard for me to do, and I know that you know that. I'm scared to - it makes me feel out of control. And you know how I feel about control.
I will accept the dreams that you've shown me and hold on to the feelings of comfort and peace that came with them. I will take in the signs you've sent my way and embrace them. I will trust you to keep me safe and to shine your light on my path.
Begrudgingly Yours,
J
I love The Love.
Even though I do not have a "lovey-dovey" Valentine today (I do have John Boy who is my forever-please-never-let-me-go-to-Vegas-with-him-because-we-would-end-up-hitched-Valentine).
I am full to the brim with The Love.
I just love it.
The Love.
I lerve The Love.
So I thought I would share some of my all-time favorite quotes and poems about The Love.
HAPPY
VALENTINES
DAY
“It was the love of love,
the love that swallows up all else,
a grateful love,
a love of nature, of people,
of animals,a love engendering
gentleness and goodness
that moved me
and that I saw in you.”
-William Carlos Williams
"You were made perfectly to be loved
-and surely I have loved you,
in the idea of you,
my whole life long"
-Elizabeth Barrett Browning
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of theroot and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
-E.E. Cummings
I've lived in my litte house since August 2009.
(By "little house" I mean my apartment with all of it's leaks and creaks and my noisy refrigerator.)
Since coming back from Cali after my lovely Christmas vacation a new noise has invaded the sanctity of my little nest.
This noise is what classy people refer to as "the sex."
(By "classy people" I mean me.)
Whether it's the squeaks of bed springs from the apartment above or even worse, MY CHILEAN NEIGHBOR'S STUPID LOUD GIRLFRIEND (!!!!) it's getting on my nerves.
Therefore, you should all know that these people are on my list.
That's right.
MY LIST.
This is not a good place to be (duh) and I suggest that they all work to be removed from said list.
Here is the way things work, folks:
The spectrum runs from MY LIST to the RECEIPT OF GOLD STAR STICKERS.
To give a good example of how one might receive gold star stickers I present to you a scene:
(I accidentally wrote first "gold star sticks" which might actually be funnier.)
________________________________________________________________________
Scene: On the verge of leaving Patrick Sullivan's after seeing the most awesome nameless band.
Strong Daniel: Do you guys want me to go get the car and bring it around. It's pretty cold.
Mary & Meg Jones Ace Reporter: Oh, yeah . . . that's so nice . . . you don't have to . . . etc.
Me: Yeah, it's hecka cold.
Less than 10 minutes later
Me: Seriously, Daniel - I would give you 20,000 gold star stickers right now if I had them.
Strong Daniel: I thought you were going to say dollars.
Me: Yeah, right. Stickers are better.
_______________________________________________________________________
So to recap:
Who is on my list?
Noisy people who do "the sex"
Who gets gold star stickers?
(Hypothetically because I don't actually have any)
Strong Daniel, Mary, and
Meg Jones Ace Report
"I can't help thinking that this would be a better world if everyone would listen to me."
Seriously.
I have to admit that I can't seem to shake this most recent bout of the crankies and I apologize to anyone who has had the misfortune to cross my path.
But I'm not kidding - the world would be better if everyone would listen to me.
Here is a list of reasons why:
1) I only want what is best for you
2) I dislike unhappiness and gloom
3) I am generally very perceptive
4) I am well-read but also love pop-culture
5) I like celery and dinosaurs
Oh, yeah and here is the most important one:
BECAUSE I AM QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE!!!
If you are good I will give you a piece of gum . . .
