Memo to the President

Posted by Jess is Jess , Saturday, November 6, 2010 Saturday, November 06, 2010

This blog was inspired by the NPR article "Memos to the President" (http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=131073245&sc=fb&cc=fp) which her dear friend, Jayanni Webster, posted on her facbook page and wondered what Jessica would write. 


This is what she would write. 


Jessica has no real credentials to speak of other than an ardent love of America and the Democratic Party. She also has fantastic delusions about being friends with Barak Obama and has a mad crush on Bobby Kennedy. She frequently turns to Bobby, Dr. Martin Luther King, and Anne Frank for advise. She is training Callie the Wondercat for the Feline World Cup.


Dear Pen Pal,

So ... How are things?

A little rough?

That's okay. Nobody said being President of the United States of America was an easy job. (And if they did they were probably high). It's going to be interesting to see what the second half of your term will bring but I think that we can pull through and come out on top.

Yes. We.

You inspired our nation once and you can do it again - just don't be so scared or cautious. Go back to your roots, the grassroots, and connect with the people outside of Washington D.C. 'Cause those folks in the legislature are kinda crazy and out of touch with the rest of America. You did it before and I know that you can do it again - we are here for you. We are still waiting, just kinda disillusioned and totally freaked out by those Tea-Partiers.

Like I said,

  • Get back to your roots and your people. 
  • Find the young up and coming women in the party and encourage them to take active leadership.
  • Come up with a snappy nickname. 
Peace,

J (Your Bestie-BFF-Pen-Pal)

| 2 comments

Laugh Out Loud

Posted by Jess is Jess , Wednesday, August 11, 2010 Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I have a laugh out loud problem. Well, actually I have a few.

The first one being that I’m a loud laughter. Sometimes people are rude about this like those jerks at Urinetown who told me and Memily to be quite during the dance break. It was a dance break - there was no witty dialogue to miss or anything. Whatever. That show was ridiculously funny.

The second problem is that ever since Calliope (Mommy’s favorite daughter) I sometimes snort when I laugh too loud. Thank you so much, Pringles. If you don’t understand this then let me know and I will enlighten you. It’s not as interesting as that last sentence makes it sound but now, well ...

The third is that sometimes I laugh out loud when I’m reading something funny. I’m not good at keeping it in and I kinda think it’s like sneezes, it’s not good to keep it in because your brain might burst or something like that. Naturally this happens when I am work in the museum (while not as quiet as a library it’s still pretty quiet) or some other inappropriate place. Similarly, I had to take Eddie Izzard’s Dress to Kill off of my ipod because I would listen to it while I was walking around and laugh out loud and look like more of a crazy person than I do just on a regular day (I believe we’ve talked about this before).

The fourth and final problem is that I hate Hate HATE “LOL” - I think that it is stupid and demeaning. If what I’ve said is actually laugh out loud funny then you should do so and acknowledge it using actual words instead of acronyms. I don’t know why the “LOL” bothers me as much as it does but it actually makes me angry and I use whether or not someone uses it as a standard to judge potentially eligible men. Now, many people that I love use it and I do not judge them because of my great love and admiration for them but seriously, it just looks so stupid. The only one of those silly internetty/texty acronyms that I approve of is “BTW” I don’t know why. And “WTF” doesn’t count because that has been around much longer than the world wide web.

And as my friend Forest would say, “That’s all I have to say about that.”

Peace, my peeps.

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From the Old/New Site ...

Posted by Jess is Jess , Friday, June 18, 2010 Friday, June 18, 2010

Okay, my people. 

Here is the deal, the old/new site at wordpress wasn't really working so we are back here on blogger!

The following are the posts from wordpress that I couldn't figure out how to import.

retard ...

I would like it noted in the record that wordpress is officially on MY LIST

Peace, 

J

 

Truly Madly Deeply

Posted on 5/13/2010 at 2:37:02 PM

I didn’t think that I could love Aaron Sorkin more than I do but it turns out I was wrong.
Me, wrong? Say it isn’t so!
Yes, I do love him more today than I did just last night as I watched 4 West Wing episodes in a row.
I love everything I’ve ever seen that he has written and love everything of his that I’ve ever read to boot.
And that stuff was fiction!

It was his article Now That You Mention It, Rock Hudson Did Seem Gay for the Huffington Post that sent me over the edge.

Here is how it all went down ….

Step 1: Sorkin begins by setting the stage a bit, brilliant actor (Sean Hayes) who happens to be gay is bashed by a theatre critic for playing straight (the critic, much to Sorkin’s delight, is also gay adding a lovely dollop of more drama to the tale). Sorkin is sets the reader up to understand that it was not the actor’s performance that was the problem, it was the critics knowledge of his personal life.

Step 2: Sorkin mentions his friend Kristin Chenowith, who stars opposite Hayes, and outright refuses to be objective about her performance, describing it as superb, praises her for her public opposition to the critic, but states that while she is making good points, she is missing the most important one. Did you know that Sorkin and Chenowith used to be engaged!

Step 3: Sorkin goes on to explain that the real problem is that with the rise of reality television and magazines like US Weekly and In Touch we tend to know more about the stars of the entertainment industry than about anything else going on in our country and around the world.

Step 4: Sorkin is obviously Team Aniston, he calls Jen’s acting superb and mocks celebrity gossip rags for focusing on her love life rather than her acting, suggesting that people boycott the fictional publication of Brangelina Weekly rather than Newsweek (where the critic’s article was published).

Jen,
Aaron and I adore you. I would like to humbly offer you 8 billion Gold Star Stickers as a token of our mutual admiration.
Peace,
J

Step 5: I’m simply going to quote the following passage from the article – I cannot begin to say it better.

“I would never presume to — and those words are almost always followed by whoever said them proceeding to do exactly what they just said they would never presume to do — but I would never presume to tell someone how they should feel about something. I can only imagine that Setoodeh’s piece felt like a solid kidney punch, not to just Mr. Hayes and the other actors tagged in the story, but to teenagers — kids who live in daily fear of what their parents are going to say, of getting the hell beaten out of them at school, of being an oddity. Gay actors, you’ll forgive the expression, are caught between a rock and a hard place. Only criminals and adulterers should have to hide who they are. And in addition to living their own lives in sun and not shadow, these actors want to — admirably — be role models for these kids. But they also know the blanker their canvas the better their chance of marginalizing the “A” story. They know that even in 2010, there’s still no such thing as an actor who’s gay, a movie star and alive all at the same time.”

Step 6: Sorkin ends by urging everyone to fight the hate filled bigots out there, stating that they are not in the backwoods of Idaho (though I would guess that there are some there too), but the ones in Congress because they pose a much great threat than any others. He says, “Fight THEM. I’ll help.”

Step 7: The final piece to my fall, however comes in the form of Sorkin’s support of the critic who wrote the article about Hayes and other talented artists like him. Sorkin believes that no matter how misguided his critique of Hayes was, that when it comes down to the fight that matters, Ramin Setoodeh is on the side of the angels.

I know I’ve said this before but really, folks – we all have to do our part. There are serious civil rights violations going on every single day and if we don’t stand up and say, “I have a problem with this,” nothing is going to happen. And while I agree with my darling Mr Sorkin that Congress must be held accountable for their actions, I also think that there is so much that we can do to help fight homophobia in our own communities. This doesn’t have to be grand gestures and bold political action, it can be as simple as encouraging people not to use offensive language or by supporting the young people in our communities, providing them with safe places to go and encouraging them to express themselves in positive ways, to be true to themselves first. All you have to do is take one person’s hand and let them into your heart.
From America’s earliest days we have been a collection of misfits cobbling together a life and a land where all people are meant to be free and inspired and living to their highest potential. To me that’s the American Dream, the goal to keep striving for greatness and the responsibility to help each other out along the way. We don’t have a perfect system worked out and we’ve made many, many mistakes through the years but the path was forged for us centuries ago and we must continue to clear the path ahead for future generations.

We are trailblazers, we are Americans.

It’s what we do.

*******************************************************

There you have it folks, the tale of how in one simple article my love for Aaron Sorkin grew exponentially. As a result I am awarding him with unlimited Gold Star Stickers and am making him the official captain of The Down-Slope kickball team.

You didn’t know we had a kickball team, did you?

Well we do now …

Posted in Gold Star Sickers, The Love | No Comments »

Paper Heart Project

Posted on 5/9/2010 at 11:01:06 PM

Check it!

we love paper hearts ...

Mail me paper hearts that you and your loved ones (or hated ones, I’m not picky) have cut out!

I will be creating amazing art projects with them!

You can put your name on them … or your location … whatever floats your boats.

Paper Hearts Paper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper HeartsPaper Hearts

Posted in celery and dinosaurs | No Comments »

Fairy Tales

Posted on 4/25/2010 at 12:05:21 AM

Once Upon A Time … there was a little girl who dreamed amazing things.
She awoke one day and decided to make them so.
She traveled far. And she traveled wide.
She swam with the dolphins in the ocean blue.
She marched up mountains and soared on eagles’ wings.
She danced on moonbeams and sang with nightingales.
She said, “I have a gift to give you, universe. It is the sum of my heart and soul.”
The universe was pleased and gave her sunshine and starlight in return.
But sometimes …
She wondered if she had stayed asleep would life be easier?
She could have floated along, content and enchanted.
But she knew deep down, in the most secret corners of her heart that just because she was enchanted doesn’t mean that she was happy.
“That’s a very confusing word, ‘enchanted,’” she said to herself. “It’s rather like an enchantment itself. It sounds so lovely that it can take you a while to figure out the way of things.”
The little girl was glad that she had woken up from her enchantment. “Think of all that I would have missed!” she exclaimed. “No nightingales, no moonbeams, no eagles’ wing, and no ocean blue!”
The little girl learned that it is possible for dreams to come true. That all you have to do is open your eyes, open your heart, and follow the sounds of your soul.
Now the little girl lives her life in love and with joyful abandon.

This is not The End.

Posted in celery and dinosaurs, random | No Comments »

Zodiac and other Ramblings

Posted on 3/31/2010 at 3:10:26 PM

I apologize for the brief hiatus from The Down-Slope. The process of moving has completely overwhelmed me but I will soon be back to my regularly scheduled programing. I have much to fill you in on … my new nest, new neighbors, and the new addition to my familia: Callie the Wondercat!

Callie the Wondercat made herself a skirt!

For now please enjoy a selection of random thoughts and mental meaderings.

The artistic Libra Full Moon illuminates your 5th House of Creativity, provoking you to overcome your self-doubt and other people’s resistance at the same time. If you are serious about what you are doing, you’ll be able to count on the support of your friends. But don’t make assumptions, as they will likely lead to disappointment. Clarity in communication is the key to making the day work for you and everyone else involved.

I‘m a big believer in horoscopes and astrology, I look for signpost in everything I do and more often than not, my horoscope confirms my interpretation of the universe around me.

Of course, sometimes it acts as a little Jiminy Cricket which has proved helpful on more than one occasion.
You may be making plans for your escape, but that doesn’t mean you’ll actually go anywhere. It’s just that relationship dynamics are growing more complicated by the day, and there’s not much you can do about it. The real world can demand your physical presence, but not your attention. Turning up the volume on your fantasies allows you to relieve some of your discomfort without even telling anyone that you have temporarily checked out.

Excellent, I love it when the universe encourages my imagination (and by imagination I mean delusions).
I’m also a tiny bit obsessed with the Zodiac Killer (and by obsessed I mean terrified). I read the book written by the gentleman from the SF Examiner and it was very interesting up until the part where they never caught the guy. Now I cannot go to Vallejo or Benicia without thinking of that lunatic. And you can bet your bottom dollar that I will never drive on Lake Herman Rd. if I can manage it.

I think that the energy we put out in this world has an amazing impact not only on ourselves and the people around us, but our physical environment as well. Meg Jones, Ace Reporter and I were having a conversation about this last night and in thinking more about it I’ve come to believe that not only are we meant to do good in the world but to live in a positive, peaceful way.

It’s a lot like that whole “do unto others” shenanigans – if we put out positive energy we will get positive energy back. One of my favorite authors, Emily Giffen (her new book comes out in May!) often writes about “love as a verb” and I think that that is such an important idea. I want to live each day acting out of love. Some days it is easier than others, but I think that it is those difficult days that need it the most.

Posted in Delusions, random | No Comments »

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I'm Hella from NorCal: A Picture Book

Posted by Jess is Jess , Friday, March 5, 2010 Friday, March 05, 2010

I made a new friend today. He is utterly delightful and one of the best parts is that he is from California!

Not just anywhere California, but the East Bay!!!

Le sigh ... I love the East Bay ...

Please enjoy these photos of my favorite places in Cali.




Alcatraz ...














The. City.










Favorite restaurant in SF.











My spectacular parents got married here in 1973.







Time to cross the bridge!




That's right - Star Wars inspiration.













The way to my home.










The way to my other favorite restaurant.

(Gold Star Sticker if you can name this street!)










I don't think that I can describe the perfection that is Gordo's - especially this location on Solano.









Favorite view of all time.

(3 Gold Star Stickers if you can name this street!)








My mama went here - she is the smartest cookie I know. 












Marin. 

:)








Hands down, best piano bar ever. Ev-er.






Now we go through the tunnel!






WhooHoo - Mt. Diablo!









I have driven by this sign probably 4,000 times. At least. 










Oh, I'm a Carondelet Girl - there's no ifs, ands, or buts about it!









My second home for which I have boundless love and eternal devotion. 







Don't judge - I've spent more money and more time in this place than probably any other store. 







Okay, I'm done for now. 

Mary, I promise to do a post entirely dedicated to my love of East Tennessee very soon. (Especially once you take me to a reenactment! Come on, I neeeeeeeeed it .... ) 

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The Verbal Runs

Posted by Jess is Jess , Monday, March 1, 2010 Monday, March 01, 2010

"You probably have a lot to say but don't try to say it all at once. Words will prematurely diffuse your ideas before they reach fruition. Trust your dreams without feeling like you must share them aloud."
Fine.
I get it, Universe. Keep my trap shut today.  
2 different horoscopes told me to be quite today. 


How do I respond to this? Well, naturally I'm going to write about it. 


Ha. Take. That.


This is a problem for me and if you know me well you have probably experienced my inability to edit what comes out of my mouth. 
My nasty thatswhatyouget habit is a perfect example of this. 


Additionally, I've been known to spew out ohmigoshsuckitupandsinglouder! which resulted in my Derrick gasping in shock and the brilliant Alexis retorting with "Not everyone has lungs the size of Montana!" 


And when I told John Boy about this his first response was "Did you say that outside your head?!?"
Ugh. Yes, yes I did. 


Sorry.


I should not have said it outside my head (obviously) but in my defense I was right - they just needed to sing louder. 

And contrary to what the brilliant Alexis said, I do not have lungs the size of Montana. 
My lungs are a perfectly normal size. 
So there.


I may not be good at keeping my thoughts to myself but you can sleep easily knowing that I will always tell you what I think. 
About everything. 
Whether you like it or not. 

Posted in | 2 comments

Validation and Vindication

Posted by Jess is Jess , Saturday, February 27, 2010 Saturday, February 27, 2010




"Instead of reining in your thoughts, follow them as they meander through your imagination. But don't judge yourself harshly if, at the end of the day, you don't have anything tangible to show for your lovely fantasies." 

The above quote is from my horoscope today. 

That's right - my horoscope is telling me not only to allow my imagination to run wild but to do so proudly. 

Ha!

Universe, 

I'm glad that we are on the same page today. 

Peace,
J

Here is the low-down on a long-running fantasy 


(Nothing kinky, get your mind out of the gutter. Sheesh!)


I've been working on a couple of different children's books for the last few years. I'm sure that eventually I will try to get them published but for now they knock around in my imagination with all the other stuff. So in honor of my imagination and encouraging horoscope I thought that it might be nice to share a small selection from my favorite today.  The illustrations that this will eventually have are an essential part of the project but for today you'll have to use your imagination.

Please accept as my humble gift a short except from: 


The Missed Adventures of Jameson Green. 

(This has a copywrite, you ba#$^*ds so don't try anything sneaky)

Jameson Green was not an ordinary 1st grader. Oh, sure she was six years old, had ordinary brown hair, ordinary green eyes, and lived an ordinary little life. But underneath it all Jameson knew she was anything but ordinary. For one thing, Jameson’s best friend happened to be a little black cat named Arturius. Arturius, a descendent of the royal cats of the pharaohs of Egypt, was not an ordinary house cat. The thing that Jameson and Arturius liked to do most in the world was to go on adventures! There was only one problem. No one ever believed that their adventures were real.

And so one sunny afternoon when Jameson was telling her mother about the pirate ship that she and Arturius had sailed on last Wednesday, all her mother said was, “Oh, Jameson! If only you could put that creativity to good use and stop making up these stories!”

“But Mom!” cried Jameson. “Really, dear,” said Mrs. Green, “there was no pirate ship. You were out in the garden with Arturius the entire time!”

“Mom! Arturius and I almost had to walk the plank! But he saved us in the nick of time by confusing the pirates with a riddle,” explained Jameson.

“Jameson, Jameson, Jameson. Arturius can’t speak! He is just a cat.”
“But Mama, he is the descendents of the royal cats of the pharaohs of Egypt!”
“Sweetheart,” interrupted Mrs. Green, “Arturius is an ordinary house cat that Daddy brought home from the SPCA.”

“Hmmph,” said Jameson.
“Hmmph,” said Mrs. Green.
“Hmmph,” said Arturius, though it came out sounding more like a sneeze.

Mrs. Green took the laundry into the house, and Jameson and Arturius climbed on to the porch swing to think.  “Why doesn’t anyone ever believe us!” wailed Jameson. Arturius sat besides her, twitching his tail back and forth as he often did when he was in deep thought. “I know!” cried Jameson as she leapt from the porch swing. “If we brought back proof from our adventures, everyone would have to believe us. Come on Arturius, we’re off!”


(My familiar and inspiration)

Posted in , | 1 comments

Hope, Habits, and Nonsense

Posted by Jess is Jess , Friday, February 26, 2010 Friday, February 26, 2010

Yesterday my delightful friend, Bevin (who I like to call Blevin due to an unfortunate typo on a call sheet) posted a status update on her facebook that read:


"Perpetual hope is exhausting! But, singing helps."


Oh, man - I could not agree more! 


It is really rough sometimes keeping up a good front, stiff upper lip, smile on your face, blah blah blah.


The delightful Blevin is correct, though - singing does help. 


Listening to music in general is a real mood booster. 


You know how I feel about Pandora Psychic Radio (I'll share my secret with you - type in "Billy Joel" and you will get the single greatest collection of soft rock from the '70's, '80's, and early '90's there might also be some stuff from the '60's as it plays the Beatles and Sir Elton pretty often) and pretty much if I'm not in class or talking to actual human people I have my ipod on giving my day an awesome soundtrack. 


I'd like to note that I had to take Eddie Izzard "Dress to Kill" off my ipod because I would listen to it while walking around campus and find myself guffawing out loud (it's never not funny) and looking like a total crazy person (more so that usual). 
______________________________________________________


I have a bad habit (yes, I know I have more than just one).


But this habit is a difficult one. 


It's a compulsion. 


There have been many times in my life, and I'm sure there will be more in the future, where I have been unable to stop myself from saying ...


That's what you get!


eeehuuuuuwhhhhhhheiiiiiiheeeeeeeeeee ... I'm so sorry ...


Please accept this scene as my best example and vague apology. 


Scene: Sitting in Enid's living room with Roster when we see a giant, nasty spider on the ceiling. 


Me: Ohmigosh. Look at the spider. 


Roster: Where?


Me: (pointing) There! Look up!


Roster: (sighing) I'll get it


Roster proceeds to get some paper towel from the kitchen and climb on a chair.


Me: Wait! Put the paper towel on the end of a broom stick or yard stick and crush it that way. 


Roster: No. This is fine.


Me: But ...


Roster ignores me and tries to get the spider. Naturally this does not work and it falls on him and he stumbles off the chair, brushing himself off.


Roster: Ugh ... Oh ... Gross!


Me: Ohmigoshthatswhatyouget!


Roster: (looking at me both incredulously and with a bit of murder in his eyes) Seriously?


Me: Uhh ... Sorry? ... Butifyouhadjustlistenedtome ...


Roster (cutting in) Seriously!


Me: ... itwouldn'thavehappened... I'm just saying ...




I'd like to point out that I have no idea what happened to that spider. 






My people, I have some questions:


1. When did Verizon buy the Big Red theme song and why is that one of the catchiest jingles of all time?


2. Do people still use those rubber bracelets for their causes? Is that fad over?


3. I'm afraid that the entire "Red Ribbon for Women's Heart Health" thing is some sort of subversive plot to overthrow the Red AIDS Ribbon folks. What do you think?


4. Would Justin Bieber be as popular as he is if Michael Jackson hadn't died last year? I feel like with all the Jackson reminiscing that went on we, as a pop icon loving people, remembered how cute and great he was before he got all white and scary and now love Justin Bieber because of this. I'm not ashamed to admit it, I love that Justin Bieber, he reminds me of a kinder, less terrifying MJ. I want to put him in my pocket and pull him out from time to time so that he can sing to me. 

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